The many faces of love
Love, that word that has been spoken endlessly, written about in countless poems, and immortalized in innumerable songs. In the name of love, I used to think I understood it—I thought love was romantic love, fraternal love, love for community, for causes, for ideals. Yet, when I embarked on my journey of self-discovery, I encountered love once more—but this time, in a form that surpassed everything I had previously known.
Throughout my life, I had altered parts of myself to please my mother, seeking in her approval the love I longed for. I remember this as far back as my earliest memories. In that effort to gain her love, I often sacrificed my own desires, my own truth, believing that her validation was the ultimate measure of affection. But as I began my inner work, I made a conscious choice to stop doing so. I recognized her inability to love me in the way I had wished, to accept me as I truly am—and simultaneously, I learned to accept her, just as she was.
The birth of genuine compassion
It was in that moment that love manifested within me. An external act—an act of acknowledgment and acceptance—had profound repercussions within my inner world. I realized that knowledge alone is insufficient; true transformation emerges only when one has the courage to apply it, to see beyond what one wishes reality to be, and to rise above circumstances. Only then does authentic love appear—not the love I had known, but something deeper, a transformative force that reshapes perception and consciousness.
This experience gave rise to a compassion I had never known before. It was as if I saw my mother as a child again, navigating her own battles and wounds, carrying the weight of her past. I cannot fully explain the depth of this compassion, but it is unlike any feeling I had previously experienced toward her. It was not pity, nor an attempt to justify past hurts; it was a profound understanding that transcended judgment, a recognition of the shared vulnerability inherent in being human.
Integrating the shadow
Carl Jung, in his exploration of the psyche, emphasized the necessity of integrating the shadow—the aspects of ourselves that we reject, deny, or hide from conscious awareness. Jung wrote: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” In loving my mother with this renewed perspective, I was simultaneously confronting my own shadows: the unmet desires, the pain of abandonment, and the patterns of seeking external validation.
Stanislav Grof, a pioneer of transpersonal psychology, described how deep emotional experiences can catalyze expanded states of consciousness, allowing us to encounter both personal and collective wounds with clarity and compassion. Similarly, Ken Wilber’s integral theory suggests that authentic love arises when we move beyond egoic limitations, integrating mind, body, and spirit, and recognizing the interconnection of all beings. In this context, my encounter with love became not only personal healing but also a portal into the universal human experience—the joys, sorrows, and vulnerabilities we all share.
Courage, voice, and shared humanity
I share this deeply personal anecdote because I believe it is vital to illuminate our hidden sides, no matter their color, shade, or intensity. We are often told to feel love, to remain happy, to radiate positivity—but without giving space to the experiences that seek recognition, this is impossible. True courage arises when we give voice to these hidden truths, when we acknowledge our wounds, and when we share them openly.
By speaking, by revealing, and by allowing our vulnerabilities to be seen, we create a bridge to others. We recognize that we are not isolated in our struggles; our suffering, our longing, our need for acceptance are shared threads woven through the fabric of humanity. Love, in its deepest form, emerges from this recognition—a force that unites rather than divides, that heals rather than blinds, that transforms the self while extending outward to embrace others.
Love as a conscious choice
Love, in its most profound sense, is not merely an emotion or a fleeting sentiment. It is a conscious choice, a deliberate act of courage, a willingness to rise above suffering and extend compassion where it is most challenging. It requires acknowledging our own shadows while simultaneously honoring the humanity in others, even in those who have caused us pain. It is in this courageous act of witnessing, accepting, and embracing that love becomes transformative—a force that reshapes our inner landscapes and teaches us the deepest truths about ourselves.
In the end, love is not something we find in another person, nor is it a reward to be earned. Love is the discovery of our own capacity to see clearly, to feel deeply, and to extend understanding beyond judgment. It is the force that bridges our inner world with the outer, that transforms our pain into compassion, and that reminds us, ultimately, that we are all walking the same path, striving for the same wholeness, and yearning for the same connection.
As Rumi once wrote:
«The wound is the place where the Light enters you.»
Every wound, every pain we have experienced, is a portal into the deepest understanding of ourselves and others. It is in vulnerability, in the courage to acknowledge our own suffering, that we discover genuine love, the kind that transcends the mind and touches the collective heart of humanity.